Blame framed as "You need to be punished for my pain."

I was trying to take Nonviolent Communication Jackal language and translate it into Giraffe language.

I was having a real hard time with reframing blame....which reminded me of being struck by the idea of blame as "You need to be punished for my pain."...

With blame, you don't need to throw out causality altogether if you disengage from blame. You just need to throw out causality in terms of X made me feel Y.

For example, here's a quote from Marshall Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication book:
“If someone arrives late for an appointment and we need reassurance that she cares about us, we may feel hurt. if instead, our need is to spend time purposively and constructively, we mightt fee; frustrated. but if our need is for 30 minutes of quiet solitude, we may be grateful for her tardiness and feel pleased. thus it is not the behaviour of the other person but our own need that causes our feeling.”

You matter

These are parenting notes that I wrote to myself:

What you want matters - genuinely matters!

Not "one of us has to die" way of conflict resolution, i.e., either totally your way, or totally my way

Willing to try to come up with "third ways"

Not Person A is critical, resulting in Person B is defensive (and often then Person B is counter-critical, leading Person A to be defensive...and then everyone is triggered...etc.)

Curiosity about what's going on for the other person, what are they trying to achieve, etc.

Genuinely asking

Working with

Not "You can't" - instead "I don't want ... because"
e.g., "I don't want to see you hurt yourself, that would be sad"
I-statements instead of you-statements
I'm trying to give you information
and you can make up your own mind
vs. I'm trying to control you

Saying "Please don't do that" in a calm unruffled way
in a trusting you way
in a seeing your foot in the space on the other side of the board that you are breaking (in a martial arts context)